~Relapse~

It's been about 10 months since I've blogged about my feelings about not having children. About seven months later we have General Conference, and  what do you know...we're asked to speak in church. TOPIC: General Conference talks. First thing that came to mind was Elder Eyrings talk, "Where Is The Pavilion". In his talk he spoke of his daughter in laws longing for another child. She had three children, the youngest started school, there was a void in her home. She wasn't excited about acquaintances getting pregnant, and questioning why they haven't had another child yet. So of course this talk popped into my head. BUT knowing how I am, I cry too much, AND might I add it's not pretty (lol). So I tried avoiding the topic, but when I prayed for confirmation, I received confirmation that this would be the topic I was to speak on.


So there I was speaking on Sunday about something so close to my heart, something so personal, and it felt really good! I was fine, I've left it up to the man upstairs, than I took some steps and FINALLY made an appointment with my DR., got on some pills, and I thought "alright this is great, time to move on"......

And than something happened, The Odd Life Of Timothy Green happened! For months I have been fine, no crying, no wondering, no what ifs, no focusing on what we didn't have, and than this past Saturday we watched The Odd Life Of Timothy Green!!! And I relapsed, just for a moment.

 If you haven't seen this movie........well I'm about to spoil it! A couple at the beginning of the movie is told they will never be able to bare their own children. So they cry, question, get angry, than try and move on. The wife tells her husband "That's it, we move on", and he tells her "Not tonight, we can move on tomorrow, but tonight we create a child". So they make this awesome list, a list of all the wonderful and amazing qualities they want their child to have. They put it in a box, bury it, and move on. That night Timothy appears from the earth and is given to them for a short time. And in that short time, they were AMAZING! They were exactly what I picture my husband and I would be when given the chance to be parents. We'd be fun, understanding, loving, caring, over-protective, humorous, creative, silly, and playful! We'd love that child so much that he would want to be with us every minute of the day.

I fell so hard, my eyes were wet most the movie, and when it ended I went to the bathroom and just cried, eyes full of tears, and face buried in my hands. Like the husband in the movie I just needed that one night, to cry, to think about my future children, than move on, move on to doing the things I have been doing to fill my time, to serve others, and focus on what I have right now, my husband! Thank you Timothy Green, a fictional character with a Non Fictional purpose! Forever touched!

What a NIGHTMARE!

My mom passed away, and I wasn't there.

I laid on the pile of dirt over her grave 

and I buried my face in the pile that lay 

over my mother 

begging her to come back.

Why wasn't I there when you needed me?

Why did you leave me so soon?

Mom PLEASE come back to me!!!

I can't live without you mom

If only I was there I could've saved you!!

******

These were all things that came to me in a dream late Sunday night as I slept.

I had a dream my mother passed away

and I wasn't there.

I dreamt that I layed on her grave and cried 

and screamed and begged her to come back to me.

I remember feeling guilty that I wasn't there when I was supposed to be.

And I could literally feel the pain

from the thought that my mother had passed!

It felt so real to me that I woke in a panic and 

started feeling my face for tears

than I called my mom.

Hearing her voice that morning was one of the 

BEST sounds I could 

have ever heard

at that moment.

My heart slowed down

the sweat from my palms dried

and I could once again breath.......

What a nightmare that was!

I honestly don't know what I would do without my mother

one of the greatest examples to me!!!

The woman who made us all feel like

we were rich when we were young,

even though we were poor.

The woman who would always put my food aside

because I was her only child that didn't like onions and vegetables.

The woman who calls me everyday to play cards,

who is my midnight coupon partner,

the woman who always waited up for me

to make sure I was safe!!

THIS woman I could not live without!!

Thank goodness that was just a nightmare!!!

I LOVE you mom!!!

Learning to Love ME

Well it's been quite a while!! I've missed you, my Blog that is!!

From the last time I've blogged a lot has changed/happened in the last 6 weeks!!!

I am now an employee of jetBlue

I have a child living in my home

MJ has turned 7

Mother's Day happened

Freinds have disappointed me 

Made a lot new friendships

My respect for my husband has grown

Prayers have increased

And after many years I was able to be with my 1st cousins, who I shared my childhood with, all in ONE place!

I will slowly but surely get to all that good stuff sometime.

Someone once told me that when I turned 30 that my body would change. I would not be able to do things that I was able to do in my 20's. Well let me tell you it's been 5 months since the time I turned 30, and although my body isn't perfect, I am still waiting for that "change".

If anything is different, it's the way I feel about my body, my life, the person I have become.

At 30 I truly find myself more and more in love with me, not just any ME, but the ME that I have become!  Instead of standing in a mirror for hours each morning figuring out how to suck that tummy in, or hide those thunder thighs, or what color to wear to make me appear smaller, or even what under garments to wear to hold things in, and how to do my hair to hide those cheeks, I now look in the mirror and thank God that WOW I'm alive, my husband thinks I'm beautiful, and I now, after so long, love the mirror!!

I have been blessed with a mouth to compliment others.

 Two arms to hug someone. 

Two hands that allow me to work at two jobs.

 Two feet that get me around.

Two eyes to see just how beautiful I really am.

And one heart that beats, and loves unconditionally.

If anything, at 30, I'd say that your mind will be quicker, your words a little kinder, your heart a little bigger, your love a little stronger, your goals a little more focused, and your life will be absolutely a little better!!

I can not truly love others if I don't love myself first!!!!

"Disappointed......."

Tonight was a warm Monday evening. It's actually one of my favorite nights. It is Family Home Evening night! A night dedicated to spending with my little family, to teach one another, talk with one another, and to especially love one another. A chance to invite others over and share our love, message, and spirit with!

Tonight my Native American sisters came over and made us a wonderful fry bread dinner. My husband made dessert and I taught the lesson. In our home tonight was Gene (my lil brother), Toa (my nephew), Muzz (our friend), Billie and her husband Felipe (friends), and my husband.

Every Family Home Evening after the song, scripture, thought, and lesson my husband and I take turns speaking. It is usually about our week, how our past weekend was, how we can be better, what can we do different, discussing our goals, and than of course expressing our love for one another and whoever is in our home at the time! Well tonight as we went around the room giving everyone a chance to speak, we get to Muzz, who is a non-member, and as she spoke I could feel tears coming down. Just as they are right now. Muzz thanked us for inviting her over and for loving her no matter our differences. Differences of our Religions and beliefs. But what really got to me is when she said that it is hard for her to find friends around here who will accept her for her, a non-member!

HOW could people be so close minded!? I told Muzz I loved her because it was the right thing to do, not because of what she believes or doesn't believe! My heart ached for her, and I just started crying. I could not believe that this beautiful, smart, funny, athletic girl had a hard time finding friends JUST because of her difference in religion. If anything, WE are the ones that should be embracing her, not only her but everyone who doesn't believe in what we Latter-Day Saints believe. Our duty isn't to judge, it's just to love. How are we supposed to bring the lost sheep to the fold if we can't even love them before we know them???

All we need to know about this beautiful girl is that she is a daughter of God.

Our Heavenly Father has said in very plain terms that he who says he loves God and does not love his brother is not truthful.

There needs to be more love!

"SO INNOCENT"

I believe everything happens for a reason. If Sister Kuaea (my friend and neighbor) didn't leave town for the weekend I would have never had the AMAZING opportunity to teach the CTR 6 Class. Sweet, Little, Smart, and very VERY funny primary children, whose ages range from 6-7.

I sure did NOT know what I was in for. If I would've known class was going to be sooo entertaining I would have recorded it...hahahahha!!!!!

LESSON:

"Jesus Christ Was a Child Like Me"

PURPOSE:
To Strengthen the children's desire to be like Jesus Christ by increasing their knowledge of Jesus' childhood.

The lesson is full of discussions, questions, examples of how they have many similarities with Jesus as a child. And so it began, the spirit was definitely present, and I think the spirit was entertained, just as I was. Here we gooooooo......let me introduce these precious spirits!!

NAME: Mataira Brown
AGE: 6...says he's almost 7
PARENTS: Kohlyne and Sasha Brown
FAVORITE FOOD: Pizza
WHAT I LEARN AT HOME: "Clean my moms bed" lol. Since his mom is my cousin I told him, "your mom should clean her own bed" hahahah.
DADS OCCUPATION: Has no clue. So I told him "your dads a lawyer", in response, he just rolled his eyes..haha





NAME: Rayli Galea'i
AGE: 6
PARENTS: Mili & Raymond Galea'i
FAVORITE FOOD: Fruits
DESCRIPTION OF HOME: She says "Outside is brown, and inside is alllllll white!"
WHAT I LEARN AT HOME: "The Gospel"
DADS JOB: "My dad works at the BYU hospital"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the middle of class "Miss Aloha" stands up and starts doing a hula!! hahahha
At the beginning of class she says "I'm in a different class, I switched to be in this class today" OMG this girl is too funny!!
And when Konrad named the 1st Pres of the United States she raises her hand and says "I know who the 16th president is, it's Abraham Lincoln"....Rayli is so smart!


NAME: Rita Jennings
AGE: 6
PARENTS: Norma & Lucky Jennings
FAVORITE FOOD: Fruits
WHAT I LEARN AT HOME: "When me and my mom are watching tv and we see a shake in the movie my mom always says "that's what I do at work...make shakes"" lol "That's what I learn"
MY MOMS JOB: "She makes the shakes"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rita was so reverent in class, she raised her hand for every question, and she had lots and lots of questions!! Hmmm she must get that from her dad hahha!!!




NAME: Luke Atuaia
AGE: 7
PARENTS: Sara & Donny Atuaia
FAVORITE FOOD: Chicken
DADS JOB: "He's a teacher, and he teaches Spanish"
WHAT I LEARN AT HOME: "I learn the scriptures, and my dad teaches me Spanish too"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
We talked about not doing bad things because Jesus didn't do bad things. One of the bad things Luke said we shouldn't do is COMMIT ADULTERY!
LUKE: "Can I tell the class what that means?"
ME: Ummm sure. (lol)
LUKE: Committing adultery means that when you get married you should only love the person that you get married to and no one else".....aww this was so sweet!! Great job Luke!
As soon as Luke asked to explain, Konrad yells "Nooottttt again!", while Rayli plugs her ears!! Hahahha

Luke knew every answer, and Konrad said it was because "He has a lot of church movies and he watches them alllllllllllllll the time" (while rolling his eyes) hahahahah

NAME: Konrad Taotua
AGE: 6
PARENTS: Eugenia & Fui Taotua
FAVORITE FOOD: Bruce Lee Cake
WHAT I LEARN AT HOME: The scriptures and Bruce Lee.
MY DADS JOB: "He makes lots and LOTS of money", "I'm poor so I want a job so I can be rich" hahhahaha
DESCRIPTION OF HOME: "My house looks like an aquarium, it's where all the animals come"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
ME: "Who is the Prophet?"
KONRAD: "Thomas S Monson, AND I know George Washington was the first President of the United States, and Barrack O Bama is the United States president right now"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ME: Class what treats would you like next Sunday since you guys were so good today?
Kids: Cupcakes, candy, rice krispies, etc
Konrad: "I don't want treats, I don't want to be diabetic" hahahahahah
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These kids have probably taught me more than they know. In the process of teaching them, they taught me so many things. I understand more fully Mosiah 3:19 "...........becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."

These precious gifts from Heaven are just so perfect to me. I do believe we should all be like little children. For they love without question, forgive without hesitation, answer questions honestly, and strive to be just like Jesus .

Through all the laughter and shouting of "I WILL CHOOSE THE RIGHT", I found myself shouting "I WILL CHOOSE THE RIGHT". These little children learned that they have parents like Jesus, they eat foods like Jesus, they learn in the home like Jesus, they have hard working parents like Jesus, they have a bed to sleep in like Jesus, they have friends like Jesus, and that they definitely love like Jesus.

I am forever grateful for the opportunity I had to teach them. I can just imagine the love and care they add to each and every one of their homes to make it a little piece of Heaven! I love these kids and admire their parents and teachers who have taught them well!!!

"......BECOMETH AS A CHILD......."

"Hypnotic Eyes"

Getting ready for bed tonight I fell on my knees to get ready for prayer, which is our usual routine. And as usual my husband is still on the bed waiting for me to say "Knees hunny!". As I looked up at him to tell him, his eyes caught my eye! The light was shining on those beautiful caramelish-walnut eyes! The eyes that I fell in love with. I just stared at him and I asked him NOT to move so I can keep staring at him. And of course he moved....LOL!I mean seriously.....LOOK at those beautiful eyes!! ^^^^^^^^^

We said prayer and right before turning off the lights I held his face in my hands and just stared into his eyes. I guess I love them so much not only for the beauty of them but for the memories that it gives me.

When my husband and I first started dating there was this moment that I will never forget. We were driving around West Valley one day (his hometown). It was a sunny, beautiful day. I loved looking at him while he drove, which drove him nuts LOL. As he turned to tell me to stop staring at him, the sun hit his eyes and it was the first time I realized just how light brown his eyes were. They were absolutely beautiful. If silky caramel was a color THAT is what it would look like!

From that day I would always stare into his eyes. There's something about those eyes that hypnotizes me every time! My knees get weak and my heart skips a beat! I just LOVE those eyes of mine!

"My Tears Are Speakers of My Heart"

I can recall almost all the moments in my life when I have cried uncontrollably! The kind of crying where my chest is heaving, where there are so many tears that my vision is blurred, and where you can NOT understand my words.

Last night was one of those moments. I was referred to a blog by one of my best friends. A blog from an individual named Samoana Matagi. What a small world we live in, for I too know Samoana Matagi. I actually just know him as "Sam".

Sam and I know each other through a mutual friend, the details are not important. What's important is that after all these years we are able to reconnect as friends. As I logged on to my laptop and jumped onto my bed, I prepared myself for some good reads. I opened the blog, Samoana (The No-Handed Bandit) Matagi, and started to read. Not even a whole paragraph in and I was captured. Captured by the well written words, the ups and downs and struggles, and especially the emotions that it relay.

My husband was laying next to me listening to me read, and when I stopped, he looked up at me to see why I stopped reading and I was just in tears. I couldn't bring myself to read a single word. It seemed like minutes had passed and I finally brought myself to start reading again. Every word was a struggle to read. The tears were coming down so fast that I had to constantly wipe my tears to be able to see my screen.

Sam is the true definition of a "fighter", a "survivor", one who has been to "hell and back"! A divorcee, who has had BOTH his arms amputated, and STILL testifies of Christ, and continues to look at the positive things in life. Who looks to his mother for strength, the strength to live, and knows that his life was spared to do good on this earth and to be a wonderful example to those who are struggling and feel they can not live anymore!

I can say that I am grateful to know Sam. To know of his struggles, and to know that there is always someone fighting something greater than you are. Like Sam we need to find our purpose of living, reason for fighting when we feel we can't anymore, and to just live!

"No More Judging"

One of the things I regret deeply in my life is not giving enough or hardly EVER to the homeless!

When I was younger I used to walk by the homeless and pretend I didn't see them. I used to think that if I gave them money they would probably use it on drugs, alcohol, sex etc!

It wasn't until a talk was given in church a year ago that opened my eyes to just how WRONG I have been!!! It's not about what they do with the money I give them, it's about me GIVING!!! With no judgement, no negative thoughts, just giving!

This last year I have done just that, It doesn't make me feel any better quite yet, I think I'd have to give for the rest of my life to feel better!

So yesterday when I was running errands I saw 2 different homeless men probably standing a few steps from each other. The first guy I gave $10 to...which wasn't even mine LOL, so I will have to replace it hahhha (people don't leave money in my car). The second guy I saw I felt kind of guilty, I had no more cash on me...BUT I did remember that I had Oreo's in my back seat! It couldn't all fit in the missionaries package that I sent the day before so I honked my horn at him and he came running and I gave him some oreo's! He actually looks exactly like this guy .............

I will never ever ever judge another.........whether or not they use the money the way I would want them to it's not up to me. If they have to stand on a corner and hold a sign, in the cold, than THAT in itself is calling for help! If we think that the next car will help, than think again!! It starts with us, one person at a time!!!! I NEED those blessings!!!!

"It's NEVER Easy Hearing That Question"

Being asked from a million different people for the last 6 1/2 years "Why don't you have kids?", or "Don't you guys want kids?", or "What are you guys waiting for?" doesn't make it easier at all, no matter who asks, and how it's asked, to answer those questions!! Every time I reply the same way"Ohhh we're just waiting for when our Heavenly Father blesses us with one.", when really I wanna say "How about you mind your OWN business!" Every time someone asks me that question a part of me cries inside, and even though I hate to admit it........a small part of me wants to question "YES why DON'T I have kids yet?"

Today was different, it was my husband who asked me "WHY DO YOU THINK WE DON'T HAVE KIDS YET?"

To be honest I was shocked because he has never questioned why, it would always be me questioning why. As soon as he asked me I paused and sat for a little bit and without thinking I said "I KNOW we're going to have children someday, now may not be the right time". Than he says "How do you know?", and I said "Because my patriarchal blessing says so".

As we had this short conversation a million thoughts ran through my mind, like "If I don't give you children would you still want me?", "Could you live a life with just the two of us?", or even "Is there much in the future without children?"! Alll silly questions to me now, but staring into my husbands eyes at that moment I could feel his want for a child at that very moment! I too would love a child now, but after wasting the first five years of our marriage thinking about it, I left it to our Heavenly Father!

2011 was the first year I was finally okay with the thought that.........okay we don't have kids now but they will come. I just wanted to tell him do you think I don't want kids, do you think I like taking everyone else's kids and having to return them to their parents at then end of the day? Do you even think I like being a forever aunty and NOT a mommy??? I WANT so much, more than anyone will ever know, to be a mommy, to change diapers, make bottles, rock them til they're asleep, to have those little hands hold my face and tell me they love me, to have someone yell out "MOMMY"?!!! I want all that and more, and I have come a really long way to finally accepting that NOW is just not the right time!!

I hurt when I see parents neglecting their kids, dressing better than their kids, grooming themselves and NOT their kids, or even treating their children like they're a burden! I WANT so badly to have the opportunity to care for another human being and to teach them EVERYTHING that I know and more!!! I am just a little bit emotional about this because I know I'll be a good mother and I would just LOVE to be 100% about my answer the next time someone asks "Why don't you have children yet?"

There's nothing else I can say, but I KNOW that that day will come, the day when my home will be filled with children's laughter, my white walls will be colored with paint, markers, and crayons, and I will look a hot mess everyday from chasing my fat lil children lol, and I will be panicking over every little thing they do and say, although I know today is not that day it will come and THAT puts a smile on my face and chases the tears away!

BAD attitude = BAD Valentines

I am one who LOVES every holiday. So I tend to have high expectations when the holidays come around!

I didn't want to waste a blog on writing about Valentines because it was the worst one yet! NOT because of my husband but because of my horrible attitude!

We worked, played cards, and I LOST a bet so I had to cook dinner! And I was so mad at my husband because I "thought" he cheated!!! I never learn my lesson.....i'm always betting on cards LOL....never money just chores, items, ect. My good friend Leti told me "Didn't you learn you should never make bets with the devil?" sooo TRUE I should just stop lol!!

So there goes my attitude, ignoring him and all! We get off and I start cooking fish and pork chops!! Dinner was actually really REALLY good....but like my husband said "This dinner would be so much better if there was some conversation"!!

He's so right....WHY do I have to be such a brat!! It's NOT all that serious!! So we ate, laid in bed, and he just held me and asked what was wrong with me!!! All I said...with a sigh.... was I guess I just had too many expectations!! I mean hellooooo it is Valentines Day!! And seriously what does that even mean??? I guess it wasn't about the cards, it started there, but it was so much more to me!

Well he put me right in my place....he asked me well what did you do for me?, BESIDES cooking because I had to for losing a bet! Ummmmm WOW I didn't do ANYTHING either!! I felt so bad, and I had NO argument!! My poor husband, WHY does he even put up with me sometimes!!???

Well we got out of bed, and went to get some chocolate chip cookies with MJ! We came and went to sleep!

I went to bed thinking I ruined Valentines!!! BUT according to my husband Valentines is everyday!! Isn't that the truth!!?? YES it is.....and I promised myself the next morning I will NEVER ever ever have ANY expectations for Valentines.....loving each other 365 days in the year is waaayyyy enough for me!! Although I love Valentines, I love my husband a million more times than ANY holiday!

I've kissed his face a million times after, told him I love him a million times, and hope it mended my broken heart! Broken heart from being such a witch to him!!

I'm grateful that I have someone to love and an amazing someone that is!! When I have an attitude I waste time that I could have had loving my husband, my one and only, my better half, my VALENTINE!!!!

Lesson Learned!!!

"Never Too Busy For Us"

This past weekend was yet another busy busy weekend.....but through it all one small and simple moment touched my heart!

Before I get there let me begin by sharing our (me and my husband) 3-day weekend, that seemed like a whole week...memories that will last a lifetime!

Here is exactly how our weekend panned out!

Friday February 4, 2012:

Today is the day I was finally going to see my cousin, sister, and partner in crime....Mrs. Letasha Darling Patane Soliai! A surprise birthday party was set at the Piermont Place in downtown SLC for just a few family members and friends.

Tasha moved here while we were in the youth. Little did we know we'd be inseparable, and also related!! Me and Tasha have been through so much together, we've seen each other through the best and worst! We know everything about each other and still love each other no matter what. Now that she is an NFL wife and lives in Florida I cherish the small moments we have together.

Alright well my husband and I closed our office, packed our bags, and we were off to the "Dirty 30" party..lol! We arrive and wait for the birthday girl. I am just so anxious to see her! I haven't seen her since August!! So the moment is finally here we're going to hang out alllll night!!!! And from the moment she walked in it was like we were young teenagers again! We ate, reminisced, laughed, cried, and danced til the place shut down!! At times it seemed like we were the only ones there! We're really good at making our own fun...lol!! We even did karaoke....and if you know us you know we do NOT sing haha!! The night was coming to an end and she wouldn't let me go anywhere but to where she was staying...which was at the Grande America Hotel!! Okaayyyy that was waayyy out of my everyday life!! lol....well she booked a room for my husband and I for the weekend, no questions asked!!


The party was super fun and now we were off to the hotel at almost 4am!! We arrive at the hotel and I just couldn't sleep! We had a baptism to be at...at 9am in Tooele and I just couldn't sleep! I felt like I was dreaming. My husband and I just stayed up enjoying the room, the view, the room service...LOL!! My favorite part would be the phone that was next to the toilet....hahah!! Me and Tasha talked a lot while I was in the bathroom...lol! Well 5:45 was rolling around and we were still up.....and we had to be up at 7:00am for my nieces baptism. We finally forced ourselves to sleep at 6am!!

Saturday, February 5th, 2012:

With only an hour of sleep I popped right up and started to get ready and iron my husbands clothes. We got to Tooele around 8:35, baptism started around 9:20. We helped set up as guests and family arrived, and the baptism began. Conducting was a member of their ward, Asonei (my 1st cousin) conducted the music, my husband spoke on Baptism, I spoke on the Holy Ghost, and Eric Selu (my 1st cousin) performed the baptism, and my dad did the confirmation. Kyra-Kaylana Hope Tito's baptism was absolutely perfect. I was so proud of my cousin Eric for baptizing Kyra. The spirit was definitely present, and the love showed by all the guests was overwhelming. I snapped a couple photos then we were off to our next event for the day!



We arrive at the hotel to change our clothes and lo and behold our friends and family are sitting in the lobby waiting for the Los Angelas Lakers to walk by!!! Well tonight was the Utah Jazz game vs. the Los Angelas Lakers!! And hello I'm a HUGE Jazz fan BUT the Lakers were in the SAME hotel as me....how can I NOT try and see these celebrities...LOL!! Well I changed, re-did my makeup and waited for the Lakers in the lobby, and in doing that I missed another party!! Well we waited for about an hour and everyone was restless so they left....and as soon as they left here comes the Lakers!! I was in shock, I was star struck!! You know I always have my camera, so I got the chance to take pictures with Mr Kobe Bryant himself Paul Gasol and Matt Barnes!! They were really nice and not Jerks like "World Peace". Now that I was done playing groupie we were off to our next event.


We were now off to Soni Olives farewell dinner, called to serve a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints! I didn't have a chance to get a picture with him so this ----------> will have to do...LOL!! The place was packed and many testimonies were shared!! Kissed baby Lavona and we were off to another event.



Before arriving at Aarons 17th Birthday Bash we stopped off to visit with our cousins Enna Afo, Rocky Afo, and their three handsome boys!! We FINALLY got to meet David Afo...the newest addition to their growing family! We had only a few hours to spend with them but those few hours was much needed!! We laughed, did a lot of catchin up, and ate dinner that Rocky cooked....from KFC!! hahaha. I LOVE Enna...Rocky did prettyyyyy good!!! Said our goodbyes...and we were off....



What a Saturday!! We were now headed to our last party for the night....my nephew Aaron Reupena!! He was turning 17!!! I can't believe it.........I've watched him and known him since he was a toddler!! The party was nothing less of perfection!! His mom and dad did an awesome job. From the decorations, to the food, the music, and entertainment!! You can tell by the amount of guests that were present that he is a very VERY loved young man!! He has grown to be smart, athletic, and a great example! After some dancing, a lot of eating and mingling, we were ready to KNOCK out!!!! And we were off.........

Sunday, February 6th, 2012:

It was a beautiful Sunday morning waking up at the Grande America Hotel! We got dressed, and it was a bit sad to know we were finally checking out!! Valet pulled our car up for the last time and we were off to Ray and Moni Feinga's blessing!! We pulled up right in time to hear the blessings! Ray was blessed by Uncle Myron Vea and Moni was blessed by Coach Al (Ray's football coach..like a second father). The blessing was beautiful BUT what had me and kind of threw me off guard was a certain testimony that was shared!! All the testimonies that were shared that morning were beautiful......BUT one voice drew me back in to the chapel! It was my cousin Kassie Afo Feinga. Kassie is my husbands cousin on the Samoan side. Kassie is not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, but there she was baring her testimony in front of this crowded church. Through her non-stop tears, and testifying of her testimony, and her savior, I too felt tears come down and a warm, over-bearing feeling came over me. Kassie testified that although she was not a member of our church she knew it to be TRUE, that her savior loves her, that he has blessed her, and that although her testimony was small and weak...she STILL has a testimony!! After what seemed like a very long weekend, that was all I needed to hear to end our weekend right!!! If that wasn't a missionary moment than I don't know what is!! My love for my savior grew just as my testimony did at that very moment!!! I am soooo grateful for her testimony, that shows that no matter how you live your life, member or non-member, our savior loves his children regardless!! I hope and pray that the missionaries take advantage of this moment...as well as our own family members!!!
With a lunch afterwards at Golden Coral provided by the Feingas, I am forever grateful to a wonderful end to a wonderful weekend!!! Through the busyness my Savior is never too busy to remind me of what's important and that he is ALWAYS there!!

THE CHURCH IS TRUE I CAN NOT DENY IT!!!!!

"What's The GOOD in Goodbye....?"

As I begin to write about what seems like the loonnnggeeessttttt four days of my life I can't help but get a little emotional. Miss Christina To'i Mapu opened her call on Christmas Eve in front her family. As she read "You have been called to serve in the Jackson, Mississippi mission", tears rolled down her cheek, she paused, took a moment in, and realized THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING! It was at that very moment that I thought..."How will it be at family events not seeing her beautiful smile or hear her contagious laughter or her dancing just because?"

Well we now had 36 days until her Sunday farewell program, 38 days until her SLC open house, and ONLY 39 days until she reports to the MTC (Missionary Training Center). The next month flew by and the farewell process began.......

On Friday January 27, 2012 after we laid our Aunty Lita to rest, my husband and I, TJ, Gene, Tina, Ofa's lil family, and Kingas lil family, all hopped in our cars and took off to Vegas to hang out for her last weekend and to attend her Farewell Program the coming Sunday. Little did we know that her best friends, and close family would also do the same. She is just THAT loved!!

On Sunday January 29th, 2012 at the Mountain Valley Ward, which is usually small, was packed from front to back. The overflow was filled, and soon after the gym. Tina's ward sat in amazement as their chapel filled up. A musical number by Tina and siblings and cousins started the program off just right...the spirit was so strong. And now the moment we all waited for, she walks up to the podium, tissue in one hand, scriptures in the other, and she begins! Tina spoke of Christ, having a strong foundation, and how she waited a long time for this moment. She laughed, cried, and most importantly testified that God Lives and the Church is TRUE!!! I was so proud of her......there isn't a single memory of her that I have where she isn't doing just that.....testifying and being a great example!!!! After her program as I stood up and turned around I was amazed with all the support from friends and family, you could feel the love.



Well now that we were spiritually fed, we were now about to get PHYSICALLY FED, I mean it's what we do BEST....LOL!!!! My husband and his dad doin one of the many things they do BEST...BBQ!! If you know Tina than you KNOW that she is a total daddy's girl. Dad will do anything for his baby girl! Cooking for her all day, and making sure her guests had enough to eat. The house, in and out, was packed with friends and family from Vegas all the way to Utah and California.





The Vegas open house was a success!! Laughter, friends, family, food, oh and did I say food??? hahahah This day is what I imagine she pictured it to be!!




It was now time for us to head to her set apart and they asked that only a few family members come...BUT try telling that to a million aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, parents, and cousins that have waited for this moment!! Well we arrive at the Stake Presidents home and from the moment we walked in you could feel a strong spirit there. President gathered dad, uncle Frank, Uncle Joe, and ministered her blessing to be set apart as a full time missionary. The moment right before the blessing the stake president looks at us and says, "When we're done she will be an official missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints". At that moment I looked at mom (my mother-in-law) and big tears just started to flow.....there was one proud momma sitting there! The prayer was so beautiful, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. As the prayer finished and she stood up I could see the glow in her eyes and I knew she would be one of the BEST sister missionaries that Mississippi has ever met.



Monday January 30th, 2012, we all hop back in our cars and head back to Utah! On Tuesday January 31st, 2012 at the Hampton Inn in Salt Lake City there is an Open House for all the family and friends who could not make it to Vegas. I mean my in-laws are like related to the whoollleee WORLD!!...lol NO JOKE!! It was no surprise to me when I arrived (really late..lol) that the room was full to capacity!!! It was another night full of fun, laughter, family, friends, and FOOD!!! This girl is truly LOVED!!



Wednesday February 1st, 2012, this is it, the day has come, she's leaving us!!! I woke up early, opened our office, made sure my camera was charged. The moment had come so fast, that by the time I had finally realized she was leaving my eyes had already started to water. We all stood on the temple grounds taking our last pictures with Sister Christina Mapu, and than it was time to say our goodbyes!! I am NOT good at goodbyes....BUT I knew this was far more important than anything she has ever done. Than a thought comes to mind that my nephew Elder Peters shared....She will sacrifice only 18 months of her life so that families could be together for ETERNITY!! So I guess this is a good GOODBYE!!! I hugged her tight, kissed her, cried, and cried again as we watched her drive away. I pray that our Heavenly Father may watch over her and keep her safe and return her back to us after the Lord's work is done!!! I LOVE you Sister Christina Mapu with all my heart!!!
~~Your favorite Sis-inlaw...lol (jk Pam and Trish)~~

"No More Pain......."

~MATELITA MAFI OLIVE~
My dear aunty was called to Heaven on January 22, 2012 at 4:30pm in the comfort of her own home! Some may be confused when I call her "aunty" because she is Tongan and I'm Samoan. She's actually my aunty through marriage. Aunty Lita is my husbands aunt, his mothers (Makaleta Mapu) sister.

I may have only known her for only 7 years but it was a great, hilarious, and unforgettable 7 years. In October 2005 is when I first met Aunty Lita. My husband and I just started dating and he took me to his house for the first time as his girlfriend. Sooo weird because we've known each other since primary. Well we walk into his house and the first person I see is Aunty Lita!!! Okaaayyyyy as if her stare wasn't scary enough, when she started speaking in Tongan I was even MORE scared!!! First of all because I didn't understand Tongan, second of all because the tone was just nooottt RIGHT!! hahahah

I stood there as she scolded my husband in Tongan....and THAT was the looonnngest 10 minutes of my life!!! I never felt so uneasy, and my gut feeling was that "someone" did not like me already!! It was hard to have feelings like that because I haven't come across too many people that didn't like me. So than my husband just smiles at me and says ok let's go!! He's smiling at me trying to convince me that everything she said was good!!

As soon as we left I asked him "what did she say, it didn't sound good?". Well if you know my husband you KNOW that he don't hold back...hahah!! So he says, "Oh she said.. "Now that you served your mission in North Carolina you wanna date black girls"..... hahah!!! And I guess they wanted him to date a Tongan girl. Well that was awkward...LOL!! I couldn't really avoid her...every time I went to his house she was in the same spot!! lol...she was their "Home Security"!! LOL

Well everything changed the day my husband and I were married.....(10 months later). I guess it was because she knew this was it, my husband and I were together for Eternity and no one was to change mine or my husbands mind!!! From that day on she was my official "HOMEGIRL". She'd look for me at all the family dinners, reunions, birthdays, weddings, ect. I'd get her food, her drinks, and her silverware. I'd go to her as soon as I saw her and asked if she needed anything!!! As long as she had her food first than it was all good!! I would always try and get her to get up and dance with me at family dances, but she'd just laugh and say "You're crazy"!!

In December of 2011 her health took a sudden turn.....I didn't ever really know her health history or the details! But when we got a text in December that she was sick we went to see her at the hospital the following Sunday morning. Her cancer was back and had spread so fast that there was nothing they could do for her. We sat by her bedside and she says "The Dr said this will be my last holidays (Christmas and New Years)." Okay my eyes started to water...and she asks that my husband, Tina, Leta, Uncle Frank, Josh, TJ, Ofa, and Frankie sing her favorite song at her funeral. So I say "Do you want me to sing at your funeral?"....and the funny person that she is says "Oooohhhhhhhhhhhh NOOOOO". hahahahhaha...OMG only she can make me sad and than happy all in the same moment!!!


Aunty Lita said all she wanted for her last Christmas for her family to be together for Christmas. And that's exactly what we did. We gathered for dinner on the night of Christmas. The gym was full of family from Utah to California!! And the food was yummmmy!!!




There was an awesome Tongan band playing Christmas music......



Her nieces and nephews sang her favorite song...........

Uncle Ofas (her brother) boys sang..........









And than one sunny Sunday afternoon we got the "text". Aunty Lita had lost her battle to cancer and passed away surrounded by her mother..A.K.A...her BEST FRIEND...A.K.A. Grandma Ika, her sisters, and her family!! She was no longer in pain...and she was reunited with her dad and loved ones who have passed!!

Her funeral was than planned and scheduled for Friday (5 days later). And what a beautiful service it was. Family viewing, Bishops program, burial, and lunch all in one day!!



Her pallbearers: her handsome brothers and nephews. This was a sweet moment as they carried her to her resting place.








Everything was simple and beautiful! It was a sunny day as we laid her to rest. Surrounded by her loved ones and those whose hearts and lives she has touched!! I'll miss you but I know I'll see you again. The church is true....there's no other way to go but up!!



~LOVE always your homegirl!!~

Here we go.........

After what seems like a million years, a million thoughts, a million "I need to start blogging", a million excuses I have FINALLY begun MY BLOG!! Yes it's MY BLOG!! All about ME, what makes me angry, sad, happy, mistreated, sick, annoyed, frustrated, loved, and excited (not THAT kind of excited) okaayyyy maybe sometimes!! LOL

I am one who always has something to say, 99% of it is positive, and that 1% that isn't usually comes out really really BAD...where I always have to ask for forgiveness!! LOL Since I ALWAYS have something to say, and my mind is ALWAYS runnin, and my thoughts are ALWAYS racing, I decided it's about that time to lay it all out and share with those who may relate, or just APPRECIATE!!!!

I do lots, and I must say I have so many talents I've been blessed with!! BUT this won't be about my couponing, or crafts, or any other talent that could just stay on facebook...LOL!!

Well Here We Goooooooooooo........no regrets and once is all said and done it'll just stay here where I wrote it than MOVIN ONNNNNN!!!!

And this already makes me feel better!! Aaagghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *Sigh of relief*