~Relapse~

It's been about 10 months since I've blogged about my feelings about not having children. About seven months later we have General Conference, and  what do you know...we're asked to speak in church. TOPIC: General Conference talks. First thing that came to mind was Elder Eyrings talk, "Where Is The Pavilion". In his talk he spoke of his daughter in laws longing for another child. She had three children, the youngest started school, there was a void in her home. She wasn't excited about acquaintances getting pregnant, and questioning why they haven't had another child yet. So of course this talk popped into my head. BUT knowing how I am, I cry too much, AND might I add it's not pretty (lol). So I tried avoiding the topic, but when I prayed for confirmation, I received confirmation that this would be the topic I was to speak on.


So there I was speaking on Sunday about something so close to my heart, something so personal, and it felt really good! I was fine, I've left it up to the man upstairs, than I took some steps and FINALLY made an appointment with my DR., got on some pills, and I thought "alright this is great, time to move on"......

And than something happened, The Odd Life Of Timothy Green happened! For months I have been fine, no crying, no wondering, no what ifs, no focusing on what we didn't have, and than this past Saturday we watched The Odd Life Of Timothy Green!!! And I relapsed, just for a moment.

 If you haven't seen this movie........well I'm about to spoil it! A couple at the beginning of the movie is told they will never be able to bare their own children. So they cry, question, get angry, than try and move on. The wife tells her husband "That's it, we move on", and he tells her "Not tonight, we can move on tomorrow, but tonight we create a child". So they make this awesome list, a list of all the wonderful and amazing qualities they want their child to have. They put it in a box, bury it, and move on. That night Timothy appears from the earth and is given to them for a short time. And in that short time, they were AMAZING! They were exactly what I picture my husband and I would be when given the chance to be parents. We'd be fun, understanding, loving, caring, over-protective, humorous, creative, silly, and playful! We'd love that child so much that he would want to be with us every minute of the day.

I fell so hard, my eyes were wet most the movie, and when it ended I went to the bathroom and just cried, eyes full of tears, and face buried in my hands. Like the husband in the movie I just needed that one night, to cry, to think about my future children, than move on, move on to doing the things I have been doing to fill my time, to serve others, and focus on what I have right now, my husband! Thank you Timothy Green, a fictional character with a Non Fictional purpose! Forever touched!